I am a big talker.   I like to chat about what I have been doing , who I have seen, news of my friends and family, what's in the news, what I bought, what I will wear, what I don't like, how I feel, how you feel, on and on.  But, I also know what not to talk about.  It's not just certain  topics that people don't like to discuss - cancer, the holocaust, sexual positions, money - nor the fear of divulging secrets that keeps me quiet.  No, I am acutely aware that there are  topics that make certain friends uncomfortable.  In other words, part of being a good friend is to know when to keep your mouth shut.

I have one dear, dear friend, Abby, who is gaining weight by the minute.  She is past 60, the age when most women find it hard to maintain their weight let alone shed extra pounds, so I am totally sympathetic.  But, I have forced myself to get up early three days a week to go to the gym and twist my body into contortions while lifting large  metal weights while she stays home munching on toast and having a second cup of coffee.  I have been doing this for over a year and am happy to say that I see results.  Now, although I talk to my friend almost everyday I do not bring up my gym routine.  She knows I go asI have answered her 9 am phone call, "Where have you been so early?" with a quiet and demure response, "I was at the gym."  But, she has never inquired about it -  the name, the location nor the work that I am doing.  Even when my picture and testimonial were in the paper advertising the gym she never mentioned it.  I assume she doesn't want to discuss the fact that she is doing nothing about her weight gain while I am huffing and puffing away my belly and  underarm flab.  So, I'm mum.

Then I have another great friend , Sadie, who doesn't like it when I see mutual friends without her.  I find this quite annoying and immature, but in deference to her emotional well-being I never tell her when such an occasion occurs.  Recently I went up to Portsmouth to visit  Mary, a mutual friend of Sadie's and mine..  I warned Mary that I would not tell Sadie that I had been up to see her. Mary understood perfectly as we have discussed Sadie's jealousy numerous times. It's all very silly as we are in our 60's and 70's; feels like high school.  But, why upset someone for no reason.  Again, I'm mum.

I believe my lifelong friend, June, has become obsessed with her health or should I say her bad health.  She talks about aches and pains, doctors' appointments and health insurance incessantly.  She is forever getting sick and tells the world about it via email, facebook, in large and small gatherings.  I am concerned about her health but primarily about her need to complain about it.  Recently she told me that she had a bad cough and runny nose.  I asked sympathetically, "Didn't you have a similar cold this past summer?" "No, I don't think so." she retorted rather abruptly.  I could tell she didn't want to discuss her repetitive accounts of colds, flu, aches, pains, stiffness, soreness, etc.. I quickly diverted the conversation to happier topics.  Mum's the word.

If love is never having to say you're sorry, then friendship is never having to say anything at all!


Real Estate Hint - The house is unfinished - 2 rooms have wallboard and no paint, the bathroom vanity is not in, the deck needs staining.  Don't put the house on the market until you have finished all the work that needs to be done.  First impressions are crucial.  The first two weeks of any listing receive the most buyers and attention in the market place.  Finish the work!  It's better to go on the market later in the season than to go on the market with a To Do List!!