Hello, insomnia – my new friend.  Well, acquaintance, at least. This waking at night and not being able to get back to sleep for hours is a new, and so far, occasional experience for me.  Gets me to thinking what the long-term insomniacs must feel, how very different their perspective of everyday life must be – all those hours alone in the dark with no purpose.  On the other hand, the old-timers, the pros, no doubt have methods of dealing with insomnia, or else, diversions. Or, who knows, maybe even a whole philosophy of life that only insomniacs can know.

As I say, only once in a while I have these spells, and I’m usually surprised when they happen.  There may be a stress component to it, but more likely changes in body and hormones, I would guess.  Waking once in the night is common for me, and usually it’s no trouble to go back to sleep.  I’ve always considered myself a good, if somewhat light, sleeper – I would hear the babies cry and was quick to rouse.  On the other hand, I could fall asleep with city noise, music, cars and planes, as long as it wasn’t a conversation – live or on TV; that I could never tune out – nosy me. Deep sleep after a busy day in a comfortable bed – one of life’s true pleasures.

So far, I’ve resisted the urge to get out of bed and do something productive. There are three other sleepers in the house to consider. Turning the light on next to the bed to read is bothersome to Donald.  I hold out the idea of reading on the sofa as my first strategy for another long, sleepless spell. Somehow, I consider it defeat to get up, and consider it dangerous to develop long awake periods at night, that might interfere with my daytime functioning. Those 45 minutes cat naps in the late afternoon that I find so refreshing, could turn into something else entirely.

What, I wonder, is the real cause of insomnia, as if there was some action I could take to avoid it?  And also, I wonder, what is the purpose of these awake times at night?  I’m not ill and not in pain. I don’t notice any particular looming decisions or events associated with it.  A late day walk, perhaps? Something I ate or drank, although I scrupulously avoid caffeine or much sugar in the evening.

I have a friend, Judy, with frequent insomnia, who has found some ways to embrace the late night vigils: books on tape, relaxation tapes, music, meditations.  It’s good to know that those things are out there, and of value in the event my insomnia becomes more chronic.  But somehow, deep down, I suspect that insomniacs are creatures different from the rest of us – in just what ways I’m not sure.

If I could just see the insomnia as an opportunity, perhaps, rather than an inconvenient aberration, it might help.  It has occurred to me, “This is time to think, just think.” But about what?  The minutia of meals and errands – Gosh, I hope not.  Maybe it’s time to contemplate the universe, what is real and what is important.  But those issues do not make for restful sleep, now do they?