Traveling to the Unknown
Posted by Shelli Altopp Miller at 4/6/2010 5:17 PM 
Categories: Shelli Altopp Miller
Tags: teens parenting military travel
Categories: Shelli Altopp Miller
Tags: teens parenting military travel
I put my fourteen-year-old on an airplane today for her first solo cross-country flight. My aunt invited her to visit during Spring Break and I, filled with pleasant memories of my solo visit to the same aunt 25 years ago, knew it must happen. My daughter is no stranger to air travel. As a former military brat, she's criss-crossed the globe numerous times with us and flown alone twice, but on shorter flights. What caused my consternation today was that she was nervous. Really nervous. The contagious kind that makes a mom rethink the whole plan while sitting in the terminal with her daughter's carry-on bags wondering aloud who her seat mates might be.
My theory is this: She was nervous because (1) of the long flight alone, (2) sitting next to strangers, (3) going to see a great-aunt she's only seen a handful of times her entire life - most recently nearly three years ago. It's the fear of the unknown. These are reasonable concerns. I countered my apprehension with the knowledge that (1) my aunt is really cool and has fun things planned, (2) my daughter has an ipod to listen to and a book and magazine to read on the long flight, and (3) even if she doesn't have fun, every experience is an opportunity to grow. Maybe she'll come back to me just a tad more mature in some way. Whether she knows it or not, she's been given a wonderful opportunity. I asked her, "What else would you be doing this week while your dad and I are at work?" and "How many of your friends are flying cross-country for Spring Break?" Questions designed to make a kid think, and appreciate.
Still, I had to hold back tears as I watched the plane fly off, not knowing who she was sitting next to and if she was comfortable, and empathizing with her misgivings about the whole trip. As I walked back through the terminal, out of the security gate, toward the exit, I saw a small group of clean-cut Marines seated in a circle around their rucksacks. Some other young military men and women were walking or standing, a few on cell phones, some in BDU's (Battle Dress Uniform) and some in T-shirts with "Army" or "Marines" on them. In my car driving home, I could no longer hold back the tears. I cried for the parents of the military members, comprehending just a sliver the trepidation they must've felt seeing their children leave for the unknown.
My theory is this: She was nervous because (1) of the long flight alone, (2) sitting next to strangers, (3) going to see a great-aunt she's only seen a handful of times her entire life - most recently nearly three years ago. It's the fear of the unknown. These are reasonable concerns. I countered my apprehension with the knowledge that (1) my aunt is really cool and has fun things planned, (2) my daughter has an ipod to listen to and a book and magazine to read on the long flight, and (3) even if she doesn't have fun, every experience is an opportunity to grow. Maybe she'll come back to me just a tad more mature in some way. Whether she knows it or not, she's been given a wonderful opportunity. I asked her, "What else would you be doing this week while your dad and I are at work?" and "How many of your friends are flying cross-country for Spring Break?" Questions designed to make a kid think, and appreciate.
Still, I had to hold back tears as I watched the plane fly off, not knowing who she was sitting next to and if she was comfortable, and empathizing with her misgivings about the whole trip. As I walked back through the terminal, out of the security gate, toward the exit, I saw a small group of clean-cut Marines seated in a circle around their rucksacks. Some other young military men and women were walking or standing, a few on cell phones, some in BDU's (Battle Dress Uniform) and some in T-shirts with "Army" or "Marines" on them. In my car driving home, I could no longer hold back the tears. I cried for the parents of the military members, comprehending just a sliver the trepidation they must've felt seeing their children leave for the unknown.
I share your feelings, even over sending my big, 17-year old son non-stop to Raleigh, NC by himself. What happened to our sense of adventure? We were the generation to learn of so many things to fear out in the big world, in a society which has come unloosed of all the cross-checks that close-knit communities used to provide. Anonymity has created true monsters under the bed. Sad. LIke sending out ten year old to scout camp the first time, we had to tell him of the possibility of inappropriate behavior by adults or other scouts - how to say No. It was his only real protection in a situation we could not monitor ourselves. But what does that say about the world? Lots more opportunities, lots more things to be wary of.
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