Mom Goggles
Posted by Shelli Altopp Miller at 5/12/2009 6:40 PM 
Categories: Shelli Altopp Miller,parenting
Tags: family
Categories: Shelli Altopp Miller,parenting
Tags: family
Think of the most disgusting job possible and a mom has probably done it. I'm not talking T.V. show, paid job gross, just every day, in the home nasty. It wouldn't make for nice reading if I went into detail but, trust me, I've had to wipe, pick, scrape, and scrub some pretty foul stuff from just about you-name-it. There are so many possible sources in a home of rankness, namely kids, pets, refrigerators, clothes left unattended in the washing machine for a few days too long, bathrooms, and trash cans. It's not that dads can't address these issues, it's that most of them just don't want to and so feign ignorance. Most men would sooner allow a crust of filth enshroud them than acknowledge it and so be held responsible for removal. Plus, men can't see dirt because they don't own a pair of Mom Goggles. Mom Goggles, like their counterpart, Beer Goggles, make everything look a little more attractive.
Moms are not only the fall gals for clean-ups, we are also the go-to people for lost items. My mom once said my grandma could find a needle in a haystack - and had. I have now come to understand that Grandma was probably the only person who stuck to the task long enough to have success. And, Grandma had Mom Goggles which my mom later developed when she became a mom. My kids and husband commonly ask whether I know where an object or article of clothing is. Usually I don't, and say as much, which leads to the retort, "but I've looked EVERYWHERE for it!" We moms know the script: "Have you looked in your room? Yes. The hall closet? Yeess. The laundry basket? Yeeeeesss. Behind the couch? YeeessssAAAahhhh!" Then we whip out our super powered, high def, x-ray Mom Goggles and save the day.
Mom Goggles see the emotional baggage our kids carry home from school, the entangled fears, disappointments, humiliation, and anger as well as their aspirations, accomplishments, and joy. Mom Goggles see that our own kids are the most gorgeous in the class lineup, the best on the soccer team, the most capable artist. Mom Goggles see that wrinkled paper in the backpack, the extra Twinkie in the lunch box, the lettuce stuck in the teeth, the "star in the sky", the blankie bulge in the pillow. They come in handy when our kids are engaging in covert texting. They can size up a suitable prom date. Very powerful, these things, and not to be used irresponsibly. They cost dearly.
Moms are not only the fall gals for clean-ups, we are also the go-to people for lost items. My mom once said my grandma could find a needle in a haystack - and had. I have now come to understand that Grandma was probably the only person who stuck to the task long enough to have success. And, Grandma had Mom Goggles which my mom later developed when she became a mom. My kids and husband commonly ask whether I know where an object or article of clothing is. Usually I don't, and say as much, which leads to the retort, "but I've looked EVERYWHERE for it!" We moms know the script: "Have you looked in your room? Yes. The hall closet? Yeess. The laundry basket? Yeeeeesss. Behind the couch? YeeessssAAAahhhh!" Then we whip out our super powered, high def, x-ray Mom Goggles and save the day.
Mom Goggles see the emotional baggage our kids carry home from school, the entangled fears, disappointments, humiliation, and anger as well as their aspirations, accomplishments, and joy. Mom Goggles see that our own kids are the most gorgeous in the class lineup, the best on the soccer team, the most capable artist. Mom Goggles see that wrinkled paper in the backpack, the extra Twinkie in the lunch box, the lettuce stuck in the teeth, the "star in the sky", the blankie bulge in the pillow. They come in handy when our kids are engaging in covert texting. They can size up a suitable prom date. Very powerful, these things, and not to be used irresponsibly. They cost dearly.
Ah, those precious Mom goggles. You have reminded me, there is a task waiting for mine right now -- items lost that just can not be discovered...without those Mom goggles. So good to have you back, Shelli!
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You just made my night...I was laughing so hard I woke up Nash who happened to tripsy down the stairs while I was working at this odd hour of the night. You are a gifted writer and from the early years on you had the power of humor....keep it up you can affect more people than you think!
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