They're Not Dead Yet
Posted by Shelli Altopp Miller at 5/19/2008 7:18 PM 
Categories: Relationships, Aging, Shelli Altopp Miller
Categories: Relationships, Aging, Shelli Altopp Miller
"I love old people," I said, wistfully, from the passenger side of our car. An elderly gentleman had just made eye contact with us, smiled, gave a slight wave, then hustled across the front of our car in a parking lot at a local farm stand. He literally jogged, this dapper, white-haired, 80-something man.
"Why?" One of my kids asked.
"Hmm?"
"Why do you love old people?"
Good question.
"They're so considerate," I began, "Did you see how he made eye contact and waved and smiled? Most people don't do that anymore. They just slouch out in front of your car and expect the driver to be watching. When a car stops for them, they just mosey across like you have all the time in the world. Old people are from a different time, when people weren't in such a hurry, trying to pack in a million things a day, wearing their phones and computers like jewelry. Back then, people had manners and respect for each other, respect for authority. Old people pulled themselves up by their own bootstraps. They worked hard to make this a prosperous nation. Now everyone wants a handout. And did you see how he was dressed? Nice pressed, collared shirt and slacks? Nowadays everyone's running around in jeans and t-shirts, cloaked in tattoos and pierced out the wazoo!"
"I won't ever get my wazoo pierced!"
My thoughts turned to my grandparents, bless their hearts, who are 96 and 90. They've been married 73 years and still hold hands. Up until a couple months ago, they lived on their own. Then grandpa had a fall and was in the hospital for a month, clinging to life. He recovered somewhat, and they are now trying to settle into an imperfect living arrangement. The problem is, there is no perfect living arrangement for waning elderly folks, especially for a married couple. They are cognizant and capable enough to still desire autonomy but have just enough limitations to preclude them from going back home. Money is scarce and options, thin. In-home, round-the-clock care is too expensive. Nursing homes are too impersonal and don't offer any privacy. Assisted living promised them the right balance of care and personal space but the night workers ignore Grandpa's pleas to help him get out of bed and walk to the restroom. Their solution? Adult diapers.
I can just picture the night crew yukking it up at the control desk, watching sitcom re-runs, and stuffing their faces while the residents are desperate to relieve themselves and humiliated to finally have to urinate in a diaper. All this for $4,000 a month. I'm not sure if the money is for the workers or the diapers. They told my Aunt they just don't have the manpower to take all the men to the restroom at night every time they ring. Well, what are they getting paid to do? My aunt is so enmeshed in their day-to-day care, still, that she doesn't have time to look into other options. But, you can't just pull an elderly couple out of one assisted living home and plop them into another like changing hotel rooms when the non-smoking room stinks like cigarettes. They are fragile. Not only their bodies, but their feelings.
My eyes have been opened to the fallacies in the elderly care system: The lack of options, the exorbitant costs, the ridiculous amount of time and paperwork required to get anything accomplished - as if they have loads of time. With the ripening of the Baby Boomer population, I assumed a smorgasbord of affordable services would already be in place. Has America been too busy to care? Inconsiderate? Lazy? Out getting tattoos?
"Why?" One of my kids asked.
"Hmm?"
"Why do you love old people?"
Good question.
"They're so considerate," I began, "Did you see how he made eye contact and waved and smiled? Most people don't do that anymore. They just slouch out in front of your car and expect the driver to be watching. When a car stops for them, they just mosey across like you have all the time in the world. Old people are from a different time, when people weren't in such a hurry, trying to pack in a million things a day, wearing their phones and computers like jewelry. Back then, people had manners and respect for each other, respect for authority. Old people pulled themselves up by their own bootstraps. They worked hard to make this a prosperous nation. Now everyone wants a handout. And did you see how he was dressed? Nice pressed, collared shirt and slacks? Nowadays everyone's running around in jeans and t-shirts, cloaked in tattoos and pierced out the wazoo!"
"I won't ever get my wazoo pierced!"
My thoughts turned to my grandparents, bless their hearts, who are 96 and 90. They've been married 73 years and still hold hands. Up until a couple months ago, they lived on their own. Then grandpa had a fall and was in the hospital for a month, clinging to life. He recovered somewhat, and they are now trying to settle into an imperfect living arrangement. The problem is, there is no perfect living arrangement for waning elderly folks, especially for a married couple. They are cognizant and capable enough to still desire autonomy but have just enough limitations to preclude them from going back home. Money is scarce and options, thin. In-home, round-the-clock care is too expensive. Nursing homes are too impersonal and don't offer any privacy. Assisted living promised them the right balance of care and personal space but the night workers ignore Grandpa's pleas to help him get out of bed and walk to the restroom. Their solution? Adult diapers.
I can just picture the night crew yukking it up at the control desk, watching sitcom re-runs, and stuffing their faces while the residents are desperate to relieve themselves and humiliated to finally have to urinate in a diaper. All this for $4,000 a month. I'm not sure if the money is for the workers or the diapers. They told my Aunt they just don't have the manpower to take all the men to the restroom at night every time they ring. Well, what are they getting paid to do? My aunt is so enmeshed in their day-to-day care, still, that she doesn't have time to look into other options. But, you can't just pull an elderly couple out of one assisted living home and plop them into another like changing hotel rooms when the non-smoking room stinks like cigarettes. They are fragile. Not only their bodies, but their feelings.
My eyes have been opened to the fallacies in the elderly care system: The lack of options, the exorbitant costs, the ridiculous amount of time and paperwork required to get anything accomplished - as if they have loads of time. With the ripening of the Baby Boomer population, I assumed a smorgasbord of affordable services would already be in place. Has America been too busy to care? Inconsiderate? Lazy? Out getting tattoos?
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