Acording to Alan Hirsch, MD, neurological director of the Smell & Taste Treatment and Research Foundation, when it comes to getting men's blood flowing—yes, exactly what that phrase generally infers: increasing penile blood flow—things typically found in women's fragrances, like rose and pink grapefruit, don't get the job done. What you can count on, though, at least as reported in O magazine, is the smell of cheese pizza and roasting meat.  

Now, does that just simplify life, or is it too scary for words?  

(At long last, in addition to knowing that "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach," we apparently have proof that "The way to a man's penis is through his nose.")  

When I went to check this information out for myself (the site is www.smellandtaste.org for any of you that can't resist), that particular study was not readily posted. However, Dr. Hirsch and his team have not been idle.  They  have apparently tested a new group of substances to see what scores high on the increasing penile blood flow charts. Coming out on top this time was the combo of lavender and pumpkin pie—common perhaps if you're a woman who loves traditional sachets and thinks every day is Thanksgiving. Who knew off-their-rocker grandmas could be such a turn on? And if that doesn't sound like a love-scent duo you can embrace, girls, try grabbing some black licorice and donuts and plopping down on the couch next to your man for that's the duo that scored second highest on the list.

Surprisingly enough in this latest study, buttered popcorn scored lowest, only getting a rise out of about 9% of the 31 volunteers. How old were these willing males, anyhow? This scratch and sniff test was conducted at the University of Pennsylvania (we wondered what our Ivy Leaguers were up these days) but it doesn't say whether the volunteers were students. Cola scored low on the list, too, so I think we can safely assume that whatever gets guys going in the back row of the movie theater, it isn't the buttered popcorn or cola. (But then we really didn't think it was, did we?) I know I enjoy a good tub of buttered popcorn myself, though, and many of my girlfriends are diet cola addicts. In fact, it appears Dr. Hirsch has also studied vaginal blood flow in response to certain odors, but alas, that info wasn't posted either.

Currently being studied by Dr. Hirsch and his team is How Mouth Odor Affects the Pleasure of Kissing. Really, do we need a study?

But perhaps the most promising work Dr. Hirsch is now involved in is How to Detect Lying and Cheating in Children. According to the web site, "when a person lies, specific tissues in the nose usually engorge. This nasal engorgement causes mast cells to release histamine, which in turn causes the nose to itch. Dr. Hirsch has dubbed this nasal itching the "Pinocchio Sign" as an indicator of lying." Dr. Hirsch has already verified this phenomenon in adults; now that's some useful information. But the indicator has yet to be verified in children. Seems like the Smell and Taste Foundation has stepped a bit outside their area of expertise here, but I'm not complaining.  My money is on the Pinnocchio Sign being an equal-opportunity response that could be extremely helpful to us as mothers...and wives.

Stay tuned for results.